I Don’t Want to Be Hannah Horvath.

If you have no idea who Hannah Horvath is, then it’s likely that you’re not going to want to read this blog post. Most of it will be based on this TV character and how my life is kind of starting to parallel hers (fuck!).

I started watching the TV show Girls on a rainy weekend in Raro… and I didn’t emerge from my apartment until I finished watching the whole first season (thanks Claire for the intro!). Let’s just say I got pretty obsessed, introducing all my friends in Raro to the show, and constantly comparing real-life situations to those on Girls.

The cast of Girls.

The cast of Girls.

While it’s kind of ‘losery’ to compare your life to that of a fictional character, I’ve noticed that Hannah and I have a few things in common.

1. We still depend on our parents a lot

I hate to admit this one, but it’s frigging true. I’m typing this post in the comfort of the frilly bedspread-adorned bed that my parents bought me – complete with four pillows and a fake mink throw.

I always use this one when my parents start giving me shit.

I always use this one when my parents start giving me shit.

When I was doing my marketing internship in Rarotonga, my parents (siblings and friends) were my rock. Sending money my way when I needed it.

Sometimes I forget how much I rely on my parents. I’m still searching for a job and living for free with the folks – eating their food using their internet and annoying the heck out of them. Hannah didn’t live with her parents, but they pretty much supported her ‘groovy lifestyle‘ since she graduated from college. I don’t want my parents to support me (like Hannah did) – I want to get back to living my own life, fully-funded by the moolah I busted my ass for. In saying that, I’m extremely grateful for all the help my parents continue to offer.

2. The ‘struggling’ writer thing


I truly didn’t know I wanted to be a writer until I took up a job at content marketing firm Castleford Media. It was fun writing about the most random topics including home elevators, the five weirdest uses for wine, the big shoe celebrity inspiration for the week (women’s shoe sizes 10-15 lol), the many Australian internships on offer and why health/travel insurance is essential.

Castleford offered me more than just kooky writing topics. It also helped me develop my own ‘writing voice’. I now feel comfortable banging out a 200-600 word article and having someone else look at it. In journalism classes at uni, I used to freak the fudge out when we had to read our news stories to the class or even have another student look at what we had produced. I am much more comfortable with my written work now – however, I’m finding it pretty hard landing a job in this area.

I know that I won’t be able to have my own column in something like Viva or Canvas, or have a published byline in Vibe or Rolling Stone at the age of 22 – but hey, a girl can aspire to something.

One thing I’ve learned is to take opportunities as they come and work at it as best you can. Don’t stress out too much about the task at hand. Worrying and fretting over a 1,500 feature article won’t do you any good. Those frequent trips to the fridge, TV show marathons and extended periods of Facebook stalking won’t help either. Hannah distracted herself from working on her eBook by giving herself a haircut, and this happened. Just plant your butt in your seat and get down to business.

3. Bad case of the ‘pseudo-boyfriend’

I didn’t know what a pseudo-boyfriend was until the term was used in an article about a Girls episode.

Adam Sackler, Hannah's 'pseudo-boyfriend'.

Adam, Hannah’s ‘pseudo-boyfriend’.

According to Urban Dictionary (yeah, it’s not the most reliable source, but you get the idea) a pseudo-boyfriend is:

“Much like a friend with benefits except the benefits go beyond the sexual sphere. The boy becomes attached and wants both emotional and sexual support from you without any commitment. If someone asks, much like friends with benefits, you are not together, just friends. You know, friends who call each other just to say good night, friends who invite each other for holidays, friends who sleepover once a week, friends who have sex and do all other things sexual yet listen to sappy songs in the dark, etc. etc. Really for all intents and purposes you are a couple, but refuse to admit it and pretend everyone else doesn’t know it.”

In Season 1, Hannah has found a pseudo-boyfriend in the super weird, but strangely charming, Adam. At first, he seems like a complete asshole, not really paying Hannah any real attention. She mostly pays him ‘visits’ at his apartment, which works out what I guess you would call ‘fine’ at the start. But then a spanner gets thrown in the works when Hannah recieves a ‘dick pic’ from Adam… that was actually meant for someone else. This is when the lines start to blur, and she realises that having a pseudo-boyfriend actually sucks.

HH & Adam

Well, from my perspective anyway, it sucks. There’s nothing fun about hanging out with a guy like he’s your boyfriend, and then finding out that he’s texting/kissing/sleeping with another girl on the side (or are you the side girl?). Sometimes that’s not the problem. It might just be that things are too complicated (baggage much?) to pursue something more.

Anyway, I’m done with the pseudo-boyfriend. It just adds more complication – and unnecessary stress – to what I’d like to think of as a ‘simple’ life. As for Hannah, her pseudo-boyfriend turned into a real one (after a heated argument).

All the comparisons aside, Hannah and I aren’t completely alike. I’d like to think I’m not as naive or emotionally insecure as her. Plus, she can be SO annoying and self-involved (cue reading Hannah’s diary scene). Girls has received a lot of flack about the sex scenes (particularly Lena Dunham’s tendency to be naked in every 2-3 episodes) but I think it’s a well-written show. While not all twenty-somethings (I hate that term – gah!) live their lives that way, I have to say there were many times I’ve said, “shit, yeah that happens” or “yeah… I’ve done that”.

[Nothing like a good ol’ dance to Robyn to shake your worries away.]

If you haven’t watched Girls yet – then it’s time to give the first few episodes a go. I understand it’s not for everyone, but you don’t know until you try. If you make it up to Season 2, all I can say is Icona Pop + Hannah + Elijah + Cocaine = Best Episode.


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